HAP PENING TODAY
1:30 Matinee Movie - PAC
3:30-6:30 Yom Kippur specials - All restaurants
7:00 Keystone Sing-a-Long
Sales and Marketing will be doing a promotional photo shoot on Thursday September 20 throughout areas of the campus. They apologize for any inconvenience. Details are on the Special Events page
The Holleran Suvey is in our hands. Please fill them out honestly and truthfully and send them in.
SCHMALTZ IS BACK
The Fall Fireside Chat Schedule has been posted in Administration
Just added items: car, Free hospital bed, FREE INK TANKS, Used Car wanted, Complete bedroom set, TV, recliners, kitchen table chairs, Sofa Bed, power chair. BUY/SELL
Want to laugh today? NEW animal pics, sayings and cartoons.
"Geezers" (slang for old man) are easy to spot at sporting events. During the playing of the
Star Spangled Banner, old Geezers remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
Old Geezers remember the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War 1950-53-55, The Cold War, Vietnam, the jet age, and the moon landing, and the 50-plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005.
If you bump into an old Geezer on the sidewalk, he will apologize. If you pass an old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Geezers hold the door for the next person and always when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth on TV or in movies.
Old Geezers have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren.
Its the old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by politicians or police, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country (and they probably served).
This country needs old Geezers with their decent values. We need them now more than ever.
The secret to living well and longer is: eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure.--Tibetan Proverb
At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is the easy part.
Getting off the floor is a whole other story.
I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake...
Ate a box of Thin Mints, didn't get thinner.
I don't think they work.
I want to be like a caterpillar
Eat a lot.
Sleep for awhile.
Wake up beautiful!
Bread is like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
Remember when you could refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad?
Red Skelton is best known for his national radio and TV acts between 1937 and 1971 and as host of the TV program The Red Skelton Show. He said: "Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations."
Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. --John Henry Newman
"In the physical and economic world, if I give you something, then I no longer have it. Wisdom and love behave altogether differently; if I give you my love or wisdom, both of us can have it and even more remarkable, you may pass it on and not only still retain it but it will grow with each transaction. The more we give away, the more there is and the more we have. --Jean Shinoda Bolen
The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion. Novelist Paul Coelno
Hope is seeing a light at the end of the tunnel; faith is believing it is not a train.
"Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted."
The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren and to do good is my religion. -Thomas Paine
Great minds talk about ideas
Average minds talk about events
Small minds talk about people
A little gray hair is a small price to pay for all this wisdom!
Ask Grandpa anything! I know a lot. And when I don't I can provide you with a really good made up answer.
So when is this 'old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. -- William Arthur Ward
Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn't take any brains to complain. --Robert A. Cook
The older you get the better you get unless you're a banana.
I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit. A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often, when I loved, I did not say so. - David Grayson
A pat of the back is only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, but is miles ahead in results. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Building up is a lot harder than tearing down.
But when you build up, you have something.
When you tear down, you have nothing.
Worrying is like being in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but does not get you anywhere.
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
When I was a child I thought that naptime was punishment. Now it's like a mini-vacation!
Just because some people are fueled by drama doesn't mean you have to attend the performance.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the gym this morning.
An optomist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. --George Jean Nathan
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
--Henry Van Dyke
My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self. --Ernest Hemingway
"Whether you think you can or think you can't you are right." --Henry Ford
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito." --Betty Reese
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." --Albert Einstein
THE MAGIC BANK ACCOUNT
THE AUTHOR IS NOT KNOWN. IT WAS FOUND IN THE BILLFOLD OF COACH PAUL BEAR BRYANT, ALABAMA, AFTER HE DIED IN 1982.
The Magic Bank Account . Imagine that you had won the following *PRIZE* in a contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for your use. However, this prize has rules.
The set of rules:
1. Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.
2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
3. You may only spend it.
4. Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that day.
5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say,
"Game Over!" It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.
What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for
yourself, but for all the people you love and care for. Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right?
You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew it
would be replenished in the morning, right?
ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL
Shocked ??? YES!
Each of us is already a winner of this *PRIZE*. We just can't seem to
The PRIZE is TIME
1. Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life.
2. And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is Not credited
3. What we haven't used up that day is forever lost.
4. Yesterday is forever gone.
5. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your
account at any time WITHOUT WARNING... SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds? Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars. Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker
than you think.
So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life! Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. Start "spending"....
DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT GROWING OLD! SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET THE
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. --Pablo Picasso
Optimism is going after Moby Dick in a row boat and taking the tartar sauce with you.
"There are three signs of old age--loss of memory--I forget the other two." --Red Skelton
With each happy friend we add to our social circle, our own happiness grows by 9% For each unhappy friend our happiness declines by 7%.
I sometimes pretend to myself that I have insomnia when what I really have is a good book and inadequate respect for tomorrow.
The purpose of life is not to be happy.
It is to be useful,
To be honorable,
To be compassionate,
To have it make some difference
That you have lived and lived well.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened--happiness never decreases by being shared. --Buddha
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk nine feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
I've decided I'll never get down to my original weight. I'm okay with that. After all, 6 lbs. 3 oz. is just not realistic.
Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight you're drunk.
A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on its own wings. Always believe in yourself.
And the cardiologist's diet: --if it tastes good spit it out.
Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal
Our days are happier when we give people a piece of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.
Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone looks?
I've reached the age where "happy hour" is a nap.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the wedding cup
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Life is like an elevator. On your way up, sometimes you have to stop and let some people off.
Don't let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.
Some people look for a great place. Others make a place great.
The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions. --Chanakya
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. - Henny Youngman
The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion. - Fred Allen
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you snore alone.
Advice to husbands on how to keep their wives happy with only 15 little words:
I love you.
You look great.
Let's eat out.
Can I help?
It's my fault.
If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. - Roald Dahl
You only need two tools in life--WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
If we are not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
Back in my day we had nine planets.
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does not mean it should come out of my mouth.
There are two ways of exerting one's strength: One is pushing down, the other is pulling up. (Booker T. Washington)
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Once you lick the frosting off of a cupcake, it becomes a muffin. And muffins are healthy. You're welcome!!
The biggest lie that I tell myself daily... "I don't need to write that down....I'll remember it."
We'll be friends till we're old and senile.....
Then we'll be new friends.
I tried cooking with wine but after four glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen.
If I ever go missing, I would like my photo put on wine bottles instead of milk cartons. This way my friends will know to look for me!
A meal without wine is called breakfast.
Faster than a charlie horse
More powerful than the urge to pee
Able to park close to tall buildings with a special sticker
Needs Body Work
Many people will walk in and out of your life.
But only true friends will leave footprints on your heart.
DEFINITION OF SUBURBIA: Where they cut down all the trees and then name the streets after them.
The early bird gets the worm. The second mouse gets the cheese.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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